Question:

Not so long ago and not so far away, >Yikes!  We don’t have much money to spend on attendants’ presents (around >$20), so we’re probably going to buy some nice picture frames for them. >Maybe the MOH and BM get nicer picture frames.  We just don’t have an >extra $400 to spend on presents.  :(

I think people understand this.  I’m spending a lot, but Robert and I have a combined annual income of well over $100k (USA).  It’s one thing to spend $20/attendant when you are starting out or have a combined income of $40k (USA).  It is quite another for us to do it.   Every wedding has to have a budget unless you have $20,000 to throw at it.  However, in our situation, where we can look at the budget and say, "That ravioli costs $300 extra and if we back off to the fennel, we would have that $300 to spend on something else like attendant gifts." But I know that for my friends who got married right out of undergrad or while in graduate school and whose parents weren’t loaded, it wasn’t a question of trade-offs.  One wedding was pared down to the basics, ceremony and reception at the free church (members get this) with cake and punch; she wore her mother’s dress and he wore a suit; Dad did the music, the flowers consisted of 1 bouquet, and I can’t recall a photographer (maybe it was just an excellent photographer :) .   It was beautiful.  The didn’t have money for any extras, but we all understood this. If we did that, I don’t think people would judge us one way or another.   Not everyone wants a tremendous affair for their wedding.  But we aren’t doing that.  Robert and I are having an expensive, extragant wedding.  And while it might be in poor taste for us to give an inexpensive gift in light of how much we are spending on the wedding, more importantly it would reflect how we valued our friends helping us by being our attendents vs how we valued spending money on a big, extragant party for us.   — Jennifer in California    | From what we get, we can make a living;                           | -Arthur Ashe http://www.oaktrees.org/

Response:

How much you spend depends.  I think your ideas are fabulous and affordable. I wanted to have a very special gift to my two bridesmaids (which incidentally was somewhat expensive), as I grew up with them and we’ve been close over the years.  However, I SPECIFICALLY budgeted for these gifts and made some exceptions elsewhere. I hope that my two bridesmaids don’t read this newsgroup.  They think they’re getting a 10 dollar manicure and a pair of formal gloves!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Sound fine to me but I may be cheap too.  Rather than waste money on costume >jewelry that matches the dress but only looks good from far away (that’s >what you’re talking about, right?) I was thinking of getting mine beauty >gift certificates.  Like a free manicure and pedicure (total $42) or >something.  That way, they can use it for the wedding day, or not; either >way it’s something nice for them, not just a gift to myself (like cheap >jewelry).  Anyway, the amount you spend also depends on the overall scale of >the entire event budget, the cost of their outfits, etc etc…but no, i >don’t think you’re cheap. >jb > Can anyone tell me approximately how much you are spending on your > attendants? Every wedding I’ve been in I’ve been given some cheezy > jewelry to wear the day of the wedding to match the dress, only once was > the quality and style nice enough to wear at other times. I didn’t want > to do this to my attendants and I don’t know how much some of the > jewelry costs. I think I have finally figured out what I want to get all > of the attendants, but am worried that I might be coming off cheap > looking. The girls will be given a picture frame (for photo later), > personalized or Coach brand key chain, and a aromatherapy candle and I > am estimating it all to cost around $30-$40 each. The ushers will get > their tuxes paid for (students and are bearly making ends meet & no one > knows about this) and personalized beer mug, and the best man getting a > nice car buffer (inside joke from groom + he has a new vehicle) and beer > mug. Is this really enough? If I was to give my personal attendant a > little extra, should I do that before the rehearsal lunch so the other’s > don’t wonder why she’s getting more? Should we do that for the best man > too? Should I be spending more on the girls if the men are getting so > much? Or am I spending more than most couples actually spend on their > attendants? > Thank you in advance.

Response:

I am planning to take the women in the wedding party with me for a pampering session of manicures/pedicures on the afternoon before the wedding (before the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner) and/or a light lunch, perhaps at my house.  I am going to include the grandmas and my aunt as well. I think that will be nice! Of course, I will also give a little something to my Matron of Honor (FSIL), Maid of Honor (my sister), and Bridesmaid (my best friend) as well as the Jr. Bridesmaid (my neice) and Flower Girl (other neice).  I haven’t really talked much yet with FH about his attendants, but I am sure we will give each of them something as well, however we are on a limited budget and will have to choose wisely and inexpensively basically. -Amy (to Eric 4/8/00) "Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures."  - Rilke Please remove "NOSPAM" from email address to email. Thank you.

Response:

Yikes!  We don’t have much money to spend on attendants’ presents (around $20), so we’re probably going to buy some nice picture frames for them. Maybe the MOH and BM get nicer picture frames.  We just don’t have an extra $400 to spend on presents.  :( Carren & Bill (3/20/99) —

Response:

I started out with great intentions of getting my BMs jewelry and framed pictures of them from the wedding, along with the dried flowers from their bouquets… etc., etc.  (At one point I was considering buying all of their accessories and shoes, along with taking them out to brunch or breakfast the day before)  As time progressed, and both girls *forgot* about attending my bridal shower (which was organized by people I knew from work), and just BARELY put together a "bachelorette party" for me (paid for by some of my co-workers, instead of the girls), I must admit, I got cheaper and cheaper. I don’t mean for it to sound like they OWED me a bridal shower or bachelorette party — it just struck me as tacky that they didn’t even bother to attend the one that was thrown for me… in fact, I got more help from co-workers throughout the planning process than I got from both girls combined.  It was kind of a nightmare, and I spent countless hours upset and hurt by their behavior.  At the same time, as I found out later, both girls thought that I was behaving badly and expecting their worlds to revolve around my wedding.  Oh well, what’s done is done, and the most important part – the actual wedding – turned out beautifully, I could not have asked for a better day. <sigh>?  Anyway… what was this about?  Oh yeah, I bought each girl a pair of gold stud earrings that they could choose to wear on the wedding day (one did; one didn’t), and they each got about ten or so reprints from the wedding…. all in all, I probably spent around $40 each….. ~CD – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Can anyone tell me approximately how much you are spending on your >attendants? >I’m getting my attendants an unusual acrylic frame – hard to describe but >pretty cool.  Most everyone will use a frame sometime or somewhere. They’re >$40 each, and the guys will be getting their tuxes paid for as their gift. >Hope this helps. >Pat >6/5/99

Response:

Sound fine to me but I may be cheap too.  Rather than waste money on costume jewelry that matches the dress but only looks good from far away (that’s what you’re talking about, right?) I was thinking of getting mine beauty gift certificates.  Like a free manicure and pedicure (total $42) or something.  That way, they can use it for the wedding day, or not; either way it’s something nice for them, not just a gift to myself (like cheap jewelry).  Anyway, the amount you spend also depends on the overall scale of the entire event budget, the cost of their outfits, etc etc…but no, i don’t think you’re cheap. jb – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Can anyone tell me approximately how much you are spending on your > attendants? Every wedding I’ve been in I’ve been given some cheezy > jewelry to wear the day of the wedding to match the dress, only once was > the quality and style nice enough to wear at other times. I didn’t want > to do this to my attendants and I don’t know how much some of the > jewelry costs. I think I have finally figured out what I want to get all > of the attendants, but am worried that I might be coming off cheap > looking. The girls will be given a picture frame (for photo later), > personalized or Coach brand key chain, and a aromatherapy candle and I > am estimating it all to cost around $30-$40 each. The ushers will get > their tuxes paid for (students and are bearly making ends meet & no one > knows about this) and personalized beer mug, and the best man getting a > nice car buffer (inside joke from groom + he has a new vehicle) and beer > mug. Is this really enough? If I was to give my personal attendant a > little extra, should I do that before the rehearsal lunch so the other’s > don’t wonder why she’s getting more? Should we do that for the best man > too? Should I be spending more on the girls if the men are getting so > much? Or am I spending more than most couples actually spend on their > attendants? > Thank you in advance.

Response:

Carl and I decided that none of our attendants should be *out-of-pocket* for being our attendants.  So we have foot the bill for the hire of garments, the purchase of shoes, even jewellery and tiaras for the bridesmaids.  Our bridesmaids have cost us so far approximately